Cloudy Playgrounds

Today was the first time in a long time that I had the chance to get to know myself.



That's a weird thing to say, you're probably thinking.
And I'd have to agree with you.  I think weird thoughts, as does everyone else.  You guys just don't share them as often as I do.

What I meant by that statement, though, is that I was alone for once, but not only alone, I was out of my room, walking and reading in the woods.  The sun shined it's happy face down on me, I enjoyed the words on the page and the warmth of the sunlight.  I was free of obligations for those few hours, and my thoughts were allowed to go anywhere that they wished.

I haven't had time to be alone with myself lately.  Sure, I'm alone pretty often, but I'm always doing other things: homework, sleeping, eating... stuff like that.  Y'know, the important things in life.  That's why this afternoon was so great, because it was just me, thinking my thoughts, being at peace with myself and my surroundings.  I felt like I had the strength of character to do anything that I wanted to.

Peace.


Finally.

But then, "oh yes–the world," as Annie Dillard would say (I was reading "The Writing Life" by her as I took my stroll today).

The world happens to me more often than I want it to.  I'm such a dreamer, my head constantly in the clouds, and when I come down it's not always the happiest experience.  It's not always a bad thing, either; usually, it's so abrupt that I don't have time to process it fully before I'm acting and reacting in the real world again.  Guess that's why I'm a little wonky and off-balance most of the time, because I'm always trying to climb around in the clouds, and the real world is always pulling me down by the ankle.

I'm not meaning to complain.  I really like my life right now, and I'm not just saying that.  I'm so happy so often that when I'm not, it's easy to tell.  Maybe I still have those moments when I'm thinking weird thoughts up in my cloudy playground, wondering if they're too weird to share, and then the conversation halts and I get pulled back down into reality.

Hey man, it's all good.  That spacey-ness is just a part of who I am.  You don't like it?  Tough cookies.

One of my adventuring songs.