Dain Is Cold-Hearted

OK, you caught me.  It's been almost 20 days since I last wrote a blog post, without reason or warning, and you're feeling small and abandoned.  You're not even sure if you want to read this post anymore, not when Dain is so gosh darn mean and she leaves you out in the cold for twenty days at a time.

Yeah, all right.  Maybe I was kind of a jerk.  I could have called or something.



I promise this wasn't some sort of test
although if it had been you would have failed.

Just kidding.

Not funny, Dain.

To be honest, it was laziness mixed with two parts writers block and one part schoolwork.  I said that I would have a new songbird story up with my next post, but when I sat down to write the blasted thing my brain cells went on holiday.  I tried for a long time then gave up, fully intending on writing it later.  Then later turned into tomorrow, and tomorrow turned into two days, and that turned into a week.  I just really felt that you would be mad at me if I delivered a blog post without a story, although that was silly of me, wasn't it?

Then, any time after that, I couldn't think of anything I would want to write a blog post about, so I thought "meh, let's just stop writing blog posts forever".  Maybe you got that tweet.  And then I just got lazy and "did homework" instead of writing a blog post.

I'm really sorry.  And although I still don't have a songbird story for you, I'm writing a blog post finally, so isn't that something?

Enough drivel.  I've come here today to tell you that I just ate a wonderful BLT, spring break starts in a week, and that I'm taking a tasty fortnight adventure to Italy this summer.  I signed up a while ago, back when we weren't talking, so of course you didn't find out until now.  Aren't you happy about all of those things?

I am.  Be happy for me!

...Aw, c'mon, you're not still mad about the whole twenty day hiatus thing, are you?  Don't be mad.  I'll give you some chocolate.  Or Poptarts.  I'll give you a book..  JEEZ WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Fine, while you sulk over in the corner, I'll talk in a really loud voice to myself.

SO, DAIN, THE THING IS THAT I REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY INTERESTING TO PEOPLE.  NOT THAT YOUR LIFE ISN'T INTERESTING...  OKAY, IT'S NOT, REALLY.  DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU CAN TALK TO THE PEOPLE ABOUT THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT YOU JUST ATE OR YOUR SUMMER PLANS?

WELL, DAIN, I WISH I DID.  I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY SKILLS BESIDES TWEETING AND COLLECTING GIFS.  AND I DON'T THINK THAT ANYBODY WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO DO THOSE THINGS.  EVEN MONA KNOWS HOW TO DO THAT, AND SHE'S JUST A WATCH.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO AN "ASK DAIN" COLUMN OR SOMETHING, DAIN.  YOU KNOW, ANSWER LIFE QUESTIONS THAT READERS HAVE.

...I DON'T THINK THEY'D WANT MY ADVICE, DAIN.  THEY WOULDN'T EVEN ASK ME ANYTHING.

YOU CAN'T BE SURE UNTIL YOU TRY.  JUST TRY!

FINE, BUT WE'RE KIND OF NOT TALKING RIGHT NOW...  REMEMBER THAT WHOLE TWENTY DAYS FIASCO?

YOU'RE HOPELESS.  JUST SEND THEM SOME FLOWERS OR SOMETHING AND GET IT OVER WITH.

....

Just hear me out!  Here, take- ....No, take the flowers.  Please, just take them.  I swear I didn't cast any forgiveness spells on them.  They're just naturally sparkly.  JUST TAKE THE FLOWERS.

There.  Now let me formally apologize.  If you don't follow my Twitter account and managed to drown out all of the Tweets that should have been posted in your Facebook news feed (because you should 'like' the DAiNGER! Facebook page), then these past twenty days really have been a dark, Dainless time for you.  I'm sorry.  That was rude of me and I never should have done that.  At the very least, I should have said "I am very lazy and probably won't post in the blog for a few weeks".  Even if it wasn't the outcome you wanted, at least you would have known my plans.

Now, I know that this is sudden, but I need you to do me a favor.  I need you to ask me questions.  I've got a Formspring and an email and a Facebook wall, and you can use all of those to ask me questions that you need answer.  For example, you can ask something like "Dain, my girlfriend broke up with me and I don't know why.   What do I do?" and then I'll answer.

It'll be fun, I swear.

And you can always ask Anonymously, if you're really that afraid of me knowing who you are or using an alias.  If you use the 'contact me' form on the right sidebar, you can cheat and put "anonymous@anonymous.com" or anything in that format as the email and it'll send.  So, if you're using the alias Toothbrush, you can put your email as "toothy@thebrush.com" and it'll send.  I promise.

Or, you can use Formspring.  That one's pretty easy, too.

I know you're really right now, but I promise that if you think about it hard enough, it'll be a good idea.  And it'll be so fun and we'll just love each other so much.  I promise that there will be GIFs involved.

Also, rest assured that I will eventually get another songbird story up, if you're into that sort of thing.  Soon.

XOXOXO, friends.