Delicious

You should have warned me how time consuming art classes are after I told you I was going to minor in it.

Or maybe you forgot I told you that.

...Or maybe I didn't tell you that. Although I could have sworn I did.

DAiNGER! Chronicles, Episode 1

I have a most special surprise for youuuuuu

This is basically a 2min tour of my new house, created because I don't want to write a blog post now and the video format just seems so much more agreeable.

P.S. I'm pretty quiet (didn't want to wake up my housemate) so you should turn the volume up. Just don't get too mad when Brodyquest blasts in your ears.

Enjoy my awkward mumblings and messy room!

Goodnight At Last

The most obvious thing to talk about now is Christmas, but I don't have anything to say about it.  It's been like the rest of the days that I've been spending at home; a little out of place, completely uneventful.  I'm finding myself saying "back home"


and not for the first time, I'm realizing that New Jersey isn't completely home anymore.  It's really a hard thing to wrap my head around, that the house I grew up in, the place where my family is, isn't necessarily my home.  That I could even feel at home anywhere but here is odd.  I s'pose it's a part of becoming an adult.  I'm experiencing all sorts of conflicting feelings and I DON'T LIKE IT.

I'm not saying that I hate being home and that I don't feel welcomed.  Almost the opposite; I'm falling easily back into place, like I never left.  And that's part of the problem.

I know it seems crazy and I'm probably going to sound just like every other suburban kid that goes off to college, the road paved and paid for by their parents.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm getting the heads shaking, wry smiles of any adults that are reading this.  Sorry; you guys have already been through this.

The problem is that I'm not who I was three months ago.  And this is where I start to sound like a melodramatic teenager (which I still am, mind you).  I know that three months is not a long time ago.  I know that, in the grand scheme of a human life, three months is nothing.  Almost insignificant.  But the last three months have not felt insignificant to me.  I've gained the freedom to finally be the me that I've been trying to become, and I feel so good about it.

So, I'm falling back into the place that 18-year-old, pre-college me left behind, and I don't want to.  I don't like it.  I want to be able to be the new me wherever I go, but New Jersey is holding onto things that I shed.  It's as simple as a name.  It's as simple as coming back and being called something that I don't like, that feels just a little foreign to me.  A niggling reminder in my ears that I'm still not home yet.

I'm sorry, home, if I've offended you at all.  I still love you, I still appreciate you.  I wouldn't trade you for anything.  But I'm moving on, now, and every time I come back, it gets harder.  I feel less at home.  I'm starting to make myself my own, and I wish you could understand that.  I know it's hard, that it means breaking some habits that you maybe feel like you shouldn't have to break.  But I promise that I'll appreciate it .

I love you guys.  Thanks for reading my late-night rants and the silly things that I think about.  Goodnight at last.

The Snow, The Sled, The Big Red

Yeah, you're right.  I haven't blogged in a while.  I have an excuse: this week was finals week, so of course I was super busy.  But now I'm at home, all alone in my room with my heated blanket and my queen sized bed and HECK YES I just found my iPod, the little bugger.

The first semester of college is kaput, and now I'm getting my long-needed break.  Life couldn't be better.  It's kind of hard to believe that it's only been 1 semester of college.  I feel like I've been gone a lifetime already.  I've changed so much from all of my experiences.

Speaking of experiences, imagine a quaint, slightly Southern college town.  Imagine lots of hills and a very pretty red building, on top of the greatest hill in town.  Now imagine a few inches of snow, and a bunch of college kids that have just finished finals for the day.

This is how my last day before heading back home was.  I played in the snow like it was nobody's business.  Sure, I cleaned my room, did my laundry, packed to leave, but I had a few precious hours to spend with my friends, and so of course we went straight for the snow.

I forgot how much fun sledding is.  Sledding down the gargantuan hill in front of Main Hall, soaking my pants and the tips of my hair.  Making a snow angel for everyone to see; throwing handfuls of the cold, powdery stuff at other people.  I might have been freezing, but I had fun.  I didn't worry about what other people would think of me, or wonder if sliding on the icy, slushy roads after taking a running start was really the brightest idea.

I'm so glad that I can be a kid sometimes.  That even though I'm an "adult", and "adults" think about "serious matters", I can still take time off from my laundry to roll in the fresh snow outside.  I love it that I have friends who I can share that moment of kidhood with.

I'm really glad for the lessons that I've learned while away at school for the first time, and, more importantly, the appreciation I've gained for the things I have at home.  I will never underestimate the beauty of a stocked refrigerator and the luxury of a room to myself again.  It makes me happy beyond compare to be able to get into a car and drive, instead of hearing the whistle of the biting wind outside and thinking Do I really need to go somewhere right now?  I think I'll just stay inside, where it's warm.


But, as much as I love being home, I miss college, too.  It's my home, whether I want it to be or not.  Sometimes that makes it hard for me, because I can't feel completely peaceful here, in the house that I grew up in.  There will always be something missing, just like there's something missing when I'm away.  It's impossible for me to be completely content.

So, look sharp, University Hill.  Your steep slopes and big red historical landmark on top will always have a place in my heart.  You are my home away from home, and as much as I may hate on you, I think I love you just a little bit, too.